"Finding yourself", and why it doesn't work

Foto: Felicia Simion

I’ve been hearing this a lot lately. People seem to try really hard to find themselves through lots of methods. But in this rush of finding themselves, they don’t stop and wonder “what does that even mean?”. They don’t realize that “finding yourself” doesn’t mean “looking until you find something that you like”, but rather, accepting everything you find.

This is the tricky part for most people, actually accepting what they’ve found. And when they don’t accept it, they just keep on looking, and tell everybody else that they “haven’t found it yet”. In my opinion, though, this term of “finding oneself” is misused. The thing is, we “find” ourselves constantly, without even looking. All that we have to do is open our eyes and accept what we see. People seem to be biased against being imperfect, and they therefore try to change who they are. So they basically try to “find” themselves, instead of trying to discover themselves, to create themselves.

Now what I think is, this whole “finding myself” thing is just something to protect you of criticism. We are all afraid of not sufficing – consciously or subconsciously. We are all aiming to be everything people expect. And therefore, when we aren't content with not sufficing, and not being everything people expect, we hide under the phrase “I am finding myself”. Because that phrase gives us the benefit of the doubt: I might not be everything I wish for right now, but I will, at some point.

But truth is, we never will be everything we wish to be. Because at the end of the day, we can't just pretend that we don't know who we are. We can't just think that denying a problem will actually solve it. So instead of “finding ourselves”, we should, as I stated earlier, discover ourselves. Or even better, create ourselves. But do not try to find something that you're not able to accept, because that'll never work. See, people aren't really trying to find themselves. Rather, they're trying to find someone else, an ideal they aspire to. They want to find in themselves, something that's not there.

See, when I say something, or do something – may it be new or not – I keep on discovering parts of who I am. If I like them, I accept them. If I don’t, well, I also accept them, and try to change them. But if I were to just disregard who I am right now, and start looking for some other person, I would be wasting the person I already have. What all the people who are “looking for themselves” say is that they don’t know who they are, they’re wandering, and looking for “what they’re supposed to be doing”.

But I say that we’re not “supposed” to do anything, really. It may sound harsh – and against everything you’ve believed in until now – but you’re not here for a reason, really. You’re not meant to be doing anything right now. We are not born to be great, nobody is. You can either choose to be nobody, or you can choose to be somebody. It’s all up to you, really. But hiding under the “I don’t know who I am” speech will get you nowhere. You do know who you are, you just don’t like it. But if you look at things the way I’m looking, you’ll see that the person you are can be shaped without being in a mission to shape it.

Articol scris de Raluca-Ioana Vacaru (XI B)

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Dogmas and other devils

We are brought up with the idea that we have to think like everybody else. And I'm not talking about having the same personality – that'll never happen. I'm talking about being brought up with the same system of values, with the same sense of right and wrong. We are all taught the same things: it is wrong to swear, it is wrong to brag, it is wrong to hit someone in the face. It is, however, morally right to be polite, to be friendly, to help other people.

And because we all have the same system of values, and we all have the same mentality, we are biased against anyone who actually defies those dogmas. Now at some extent, that's fine. Especially at this age, when this bias isn't formed completely. But my problem with this is that even though we are taught the same things, and we have all the same set of values, that doesn't mean that those are the right things and values.

What am I talking about, really? Well, a very good and somewhat meaningful example would be racism. Now in the society we live in, racism isn't that big a problem anymore. But let's think a little about the Great Depression. In that time, kids were brought up exactly with this idea: black people are bad and evil and we shouldn't talk to them because... well... because they're black. Some of you might have read Harper Lee's “To Kill a Mockingbird” (if you haven't, please do, it's a very good book) and probably know what I'm talking about. Basically, one of the values of the society was racism. It was quite common to be racist in that time, and if you weren't, you'd sure face a lot of hardship when trying to fit into the society.

So in other words, this is one of those things that everybody believed were true. And if you didn't, you'd be judged because of it. Yet disagreeing with the status quo was exactly what was needed in order to change things for the better. Only when someone really stands for his or her beliefs, even though those beliefs are in complete contradiction with what the whole society believes, can something great be accomplished.

No one who is someone ever thought like everybody else did. Nelson Mandela fought a system that was supported by the Dutch and British colonists. Martin Luther King fought a value that stood at the core of the American society. But let's not only talk about racism here. Let's talk broader.

Michael Jordan didn't make his high school's varsity basketball team when he was a sophomore because “he was too short”. He afterwards became a legend of basketball. Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper for “lacking imagination”. He afterwards became a legend of innovation. The Beatles were thought to have “no future in the music industry” by a record label. They afterwards became legends of the pop-rock industry.

Now what's the bottom line here? All these people thought differently. They were round pegs in square holes. They didn't accept the opinions of others – because the others may be wrong. They accomplished their goals by not accepting the common set of values that was imposed by the society.

So basically, questioning everything (as I said in the previous article I wrote) is good because it makes you think clearer – it makes you see whether the society is actually right. It makes you see whether you can make an actual change. And most of the times, you can.


Articol scris de:
Raluca-Ioana Vacaru (XI B)
Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/mbortolino

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Atenție, adolescenți!

Din ce in ce mai multi adolescenți îngroașă rândurile dependenților de alcool și de droguri. Teribilismul este cel care, de cele mai multe ori, îi aduce în această situație. Pe lângă faptul că, în cazul minorilor, consumul acestor substanțe este ilegal, ele au și un efect negativ asupra lor: consecințe ilegale, performanțe școlare slabe, probleme familiale etc.

De ce cad pradă adolescenții acestori vicii?

De foarte multe ori adolescenții cred că sunt neînțeleși, că nimeni nu îi ascultă. Dorința  de ”afirmare” și de a atrage atenția celorlalți sunt cauze des întâlnite ale dependenței de alcool si de droguri. Grupul de prieteni poate fi, de asemenea, o cauză, adolescenții fiind ușor influențabili. Pentru a nu fi izolați de prietenii care au ”experiență” ei decid sa își testeze limitele, lucru ușor de realizat în cazul adolescenților, organismul lor nefiind pregătit să suporte consecințele consumului acestor substanțe.

Statistici privind consumul de alcool si droguri la adolescenti

Studiile arată că aproximativ 10% dintre adolescenți fumează până la 15 țigări pe zi, 20 de zile pe lună. Acest procent este în continuă creștere. Tutunul creează dependență și are efecte nocive multiple.

75% dintre liceeni au consumat alcool ocazional, iar 28% spun că au consumat alcool în mod exagerat (mai mult de 5 băuturi tari într-un interval de câteva ore).

Aproximativ 40% dintre adolescenți au consumat măcar odată marijuana, iar 22% folosesc frecvent acest drog.

Consumul marijuanei este des întâlnit și preferat de adolescenți.

 Drogul poate produce pierderi de memorie, tulburări cognitive sau de atenție.

Cum îi putem ajuta să scape de acest viciu?
Există mai multe programe adresate adolescenților cu acest tip de probleme. Ele sunt foarte bine structurate și supravegheate. Exista centre specializate, dar și spitale care oferă posibilitatea înscrierii într-un astfel de program. Adolescentul este internat într-un asemenea centru aproximativ patru săptămâni și primește ajutor din partea personalului specializat. Sunt și programe care nu necesită internarea și se bazează în general pe psihoterapie asociată cu terapie familială.

Autor:

Valentina Pință(X G)

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